I’m beginning to see something on the horizon representing the next stage in my life. Erin is finally finished with her training as of December and my youngest is over that difficult first year mark where she may begin sleeping through the night.
My oldest is a full-blown kid and an equal part opinion (though loudest) in the household. I think about them endlessly.
I’m not old but I’m not getting any younger. Reflecting on my 20s and the first half of my 30s recently made me realize how far things have come. I remember when my biggest concerns were training for a race and paying rent.
Kids change someone so much. It feels like life until them was just practice. Having two sick kids, a sick wife, being sick myself, the youngest teething, and work being exceptionally difficult for two months all during “the holidays” made me wonder if things could possibly be tougher. A sleepless night here and there is tolerable but a year’s worth with a baby even in the good times is hard to equate.
But then you look at other things like Florida, Vegas, and the gymnastics coach and the insanity that the world is and think, yes, of course it could be worse. Things are put into perspective when your child’s preschool creates a “civil disturbance” plan. It’s maddening but necessary.
I’m not sure what is next. Post marriage, mortgage, and babies makes me think that I will be busy until the end.
Maybe I can find some balance in my occupation. For decades I’ve only focused time doing my job, not fixing it. Lucky people will say that you need to “do what you love” to succeed. That’s bullshit. You need to pay the bills and feed yourself first, then you can pursue what you love. If you can afford the time and effort or are lucky enough for the two to match, then you’re in a better place than most. That sometimes means you do what you hate to preserve what you love. I need to get out of this hate. I need to do it for my health and my kids. Maybe 2018 is the year.
P.S. I purposely don’t include some hot-button names and issues (like the gymnastics coach comment) in order to reduce the search engine scanning. Blogs that talk about things like that are targeted more frequently for attack because they’re higher in search results.
My youngest turned a year old today. She started walking only weeks ago and knows a few words. It feels so advanced compared to a newborn yet so primitive compared to a 3.5 year old. The sisters love each other most of the time. It’s easier and harder the second time around. The “now there are two” makes balancing anything hard but at the same time, I’ve done it before.
Happy birthday, Pumpkin. I’m so lucky I can come home during lunch break to roll around with you.
I have a strategy. By definition; nobody keeps a new years resolution. Long ago I resolved to never make one again but I’m going to try something different.
Because a new years resolution can not be kept (it’s science), instead of resolving to do something for good, why not resolve to do something that you already do that’s bad? It’s reverse psychology for stupid traditions. We’re through the looking-glass here, people.
I resolve to:
Leave my bikes hanging in the garage with rotting tires.
Only lend my camping gear and never use it myself.
Leave my wisdom teeth in forever, ignoring the pain.
Never run again.
Somehow sleep even less.
Now if all goes well, by mid-January all of these resolutions will fly out the window. Don’t be a sucker and tell yourself that you’ll spend more time at the gym.
I’ve been playing a game on my Xbox lately called Project CARS 2. Races are never stale because so much skill is involved in driving any of the cars. With so many cars and tracks, I typically gravitate toward those that I know but I need what gets me out of my comfort zone and makes a multiplayer game a bit more even by not playing toward my biases.
It led me toward building lists of all of the options that can be used for single and multiplayer games, then a simple script that randomizes the options. You may drive a formula car on a rally track or a go-kart on the Nurburgring during a blizzard but it can be a good time.
I’m going to keep a link to the code, a single PowerShell script on this site. Please take a look here https://1drv.ms/u/s!AqUQHAUZXtjKkvBW0J-_RYsOBWNqxw. The script does not require any system-level permissions and should run just fine in any PowerShell instance.
I saw others do similar things but they required installing a program with no transparency. They were probably fine but here, anybody can see exactly what the script is doing and modify it to their own taste.
I want to add content as it is released and continue to develop as I see fit or as feedback comes in. Please share feedback in the comments or find me on Twitch, Discord (JasonSandwich#1976), or the official Project CARS forums.