Names 1 vote

Before we knew that we were having a girl, I started a list of possible baby names.  Here it is.

  • Bloodfart Thunderdong
  • Claudia Mantooth
  • Horseface McGillicudy
  • Harfijaj
  • Switchblade Flinthip
  • Steeljaw Handfoot
  • Slimfat Chucklewink
  • Hookbill Cheesecloth
  • Slopstain Flightrisk
  • Scoliosis Pete
  • Applejack Pighip
  • Charlie Horse
  • Rockfist Glassjaw
  • Triplethumb Flanksteak
  • Motoroil Betty
  • Condor Carl
  • Suzy Slamdance
  • Kyle Longears
  • Cheese
  • Mighty Marion Mouseface
  • Toucan Sam
  • Spazzy McGee
  • Felicity Hookhands
  • Sketchy Fudgeface
  • Livebait Bumfight
  • Harry Shindig
  • Pizzaface Polly
  • Horton Hiccup
  • Slapstick Hoolihan
  • Snidley Whiplash
  • Sharpknee Shelly
  • Pickaxe Polly
  • Floorboard Floyd
  • Dorgo Orgo
  • Chuckle Knuckle Charlie
  • Safety Recall Richard
  • Cockfight Cassidy
  • Beatbox Bill
  • Thomas the Funk Engine
  • Clubfoot Von Hugendong
  • Furious George
  • HR Policy Polly
  • Ryan Riptide
  • Poopstain Fartblanket
  • Grippy Gary the Frightening Fairy
  • Bloodfart Blake
  • House Arrest Aaron
  • J Love
  • Tubesock Lovestorm
  • Abdominal Showman
  • Indian Rugburn

It ended up being a dream team of blues musicians, hobo boxers, and medical test patients.  Erin didn’t like any of them.

Maybe we’ll get a dog.

The Biggest Step

The Biggest Step 4 votes

My little girl was born on the 20th of August.  That morning (one day past due) we went to the hospital to be induced.  I didn’t get the traditional crazy rush to the hospital that you see on TV.  In fact, we stopped on the way to the hospital to buy two dozen donuts for the nurses who I would later find out are the grease that keep the hospital gears running.  $15 on donuts may have been worth millions in treatment.

It was a long day but at least things got started on our schedule.  I’m not passive and I hate to see Erin in pain so it was difficult to watch her progress through the stages of labor during the day.  What made it even more difficult is that Erin is the toughest girl I know.

Erin works at the hospital and EVERYBODY who works there came to visit.  We got the best room which was furnished with flowers and balloons on arrival.  My only gripe was the dad chair/bed which was not comfortable but I am the lowest priority in the delivery room.

That night at 9:16pm, I became a dad.  I’m not good with blood and was very close to a chair just in case I had to sit but somehow it didn’t bother me.  I watched and it was incredible.  I’ve heard lots of stories in recent months about other dads in the delivery room.  Of the few who “watched” the whole thing, only a handful recommended it.  I didn’t plan on seeing everything but I’m really glad that I did.  Seeing it in a video is one thing.  Witnessing your baby being born is magical.

It will soften the toughest guy to tears.  I wouldn’t exchange that day and especially that moment for anything.  It was the happiest moment in my life.  All of the worry and concern of the last nine months was erased in less than an hour.

I can continue to describe it but it sounds like the same thing everybody has told you about their experience.  It really is something that you have to experience for yourself to understand.  Sort of like visiting the Grand Canyon or a cheesy bites pizza at Pizza Hut.

During the day of labor and birth I sent 111 text messages, a dozen group emails, and made three phone calls.  The following day was about half of the text messages, another dozen group emails, and many more phone calls.  This doesn’t include the photos, video, and Skype calling.  I wasn’t joking when I said that a good cell phone battery stress test is during the first few days of parenthood.

Getting her home felt great.  It really felt like our family was starting.  It was a difficult first night but we eventually got a handle on things.  The most content I can ever remember being just happened to be captured in a photo the following morning.


Family will be visiting soon to visit as well as help us out for a few months.  Her poop doesn’t bother me and I’ve already been peed on twice.  I don’t even think it’s gross which is weird to say.  It is a cool feeling to know that I am her definition of masculinity and how a man should treat a woman.  Her young impressions of the interactions between me and Erin will guide her life.

As eager as I am to play games with her, feed her, bathe her, and check for monsters under her bed; I know that I won’t ever get back a single day.  She’s so tiny and helpless now.  I love her so much.

Top of the dude chain.